INDEPENDENCE AT WHAT COST?
We were not meant to go this alone.
Did you know that not all that long ago women lived in community together, not separated from each other? It is actually rather unusual that a woman, a man and their children live cut off and isolated from others. Women in community worked side by side; creating, cooking, taking care of their off-spring, worshipping, celebrating-all together, most of the time. Think about that for a moment and how it would impact and make your life different today. We are better together – the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Not only were we not designed or meant to do it alone-we are not equipped to do it alone. We need the strength of others, just as they need our strength as well.
the false belief
We do it all, we feel unappreciated and then we won’t ask for help.
This belief that we are supposed to do everything ourselves is the root of a great deal of unhappiness.
Our refusal to ask for help assumes that we know best, it comes at a cost to our connection with others.
Typically, it isn’t until a massive tragedy strikes when we have absolutely no other choice than to reach out and ask for help or have it forced upon us.
The blessings of your support team
a sense of belonging
increased sense of self-worth
feeling of security
higher levels of wellbeing
better coping skills
relieve pressure and stress
help you fulfill your aspirations
cheer you on
make it easier for you to stick to your personal commitments
more effective at work and home
less likely to feel overwhelmed
resilience to personal and professional challenges
celebrate with you
the magic of asking for help
You serve others in a very special way when you ask for help.
Here are two things that you can do today to ease yourself into the realm of asking for help.
Identify something you need help with. This could be help with driving the kids around, hanging a picture, getting your car washed, picking up take-out, you get the idea. Now ASK someone to help you with it. It can be a spouse, one of your kids, an acquaintance, your BFF, you could pay someone to do it! It doesn’t matter how it gets done, just ask.
Next, look for an opportunity to offer your assistance to someone (the only caveat here is that you have to WANT to do this thing). If you hear another mom lamenting how she needs to be in two places on Saturday—volunteer to handle a shift whole-heartedly. “You know, we would LOVE to have Samantha over on Saturday and watch her lacrosse match, let’s plan on that.”
People LOVE to help. It makes them feel valued, important and treasured. It feels good to help and it feels good to receive help. Asking for and providing help builds a deep connection with another person. It doesn’t make you weak, it doesn’t make you look incompetent. A strong, competent woman recognizes all the possibilities in asking for help.